What is Happiness to you?

What exactly is happiness?

Every human being can define happiness differently, in particular what it is that makes them happy, it is understood that there are a variety of different definitions on what exactly it means to be happy or what it is that keeps one happy. The universal definition of happiness states that happiness is an active or passive state of pleasure, joy, exhilaration, bliss, contentedness, delight, enjoyment, satisfaction. For some happiness can be as simple as material possessions and money, for others it is food and water. Does that then not mean that happiness is based on ones socioeconomic role in society and their surroundings which are ultimately how us as humans determine what is means to be happy.

Happiness is a simple construct that was made by man and derived from the emotion happy, yet it is the one thing that determines whether ones life is worth it or not. Happiness shapes our careers, our relationships and most importantly an individual’s idea of self. I believe more so that the idea of happiness and what makes us happy is influenced by how society perceives things that are supposed to grant eternal happiness.

So then i ask myself after twenty three years of living, what is it that makes me happy and more so how do i keep and maintain these things because ultimately not one thing can make a person happy for eternity. We as humans change and evolve on an everyday basis, the idea of who we are changes constantly thus so does our happiness. As we change and develop, the things that once used to make us happy no longer do, we find ourselves seeking new things to make us happy. Regardless of the many changes i have experienced and will experience as a human i still ask myself how i can let my happiness be the center of all that i do, how can i let my happiness overcome the circumstances that life throws at me.

That my friends is what i believe it means to embody strength, it is in the power to maintain your own happiness no matter what life throws at you. It is part of the human experience to go through challenges however those moments and situations determine whether we will allow happiness to maintain its position in our lives, therefore we are in control of our own happiness. I believe that eternal happiness is found through the fundamental ideology of having a relationship with God, not only should God be sought for through all moments and cycles of life, but he should be the center of all that we do.

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The Indefinite Mind

Blank mind
Unclear thoughts
Roaming through like silent whispers of ghosts
Creeping their way through my unconscious
Causing a disturbance
Disrupting the flow
That’s what you do to me

Unsure of what I vividly think of you
I’m surrounded by apprehensive thoughts
Sometimes good
Sometimes bad
Consuming my whole being
Controlling my emotions

The bittersweet agonising thoughts of you
I’m jealous of the power you possess when it comes to annihilating my mind


My Land

I come from a land filled with green pastures and pure waters
A land so breathtakingly beautiful, that a thousand pictures could not construe
A land where all the colours of the rainbow can be found
A land engulfed with a strong belief in it’s cultural values
A land with a rich history that’s been elapsed through generations

A land where children play and laugh
A land where parents work non stop to make ends meet
A land so immaculate yet so very tainted
Filled with sorrow and sadness are those who lost their loved ones during the wars

I shed a thoughtful tear for my land
I cry with my deepest gratitude for my brothers and sisters who have lost their mothers and fathers for this land
To my brothers and sisters who have lost their siblings for this land
To my brothers and sisters who have lost their uncles and aunties for this land
I cry with you all
Because your pain is my pain
Because we are one

Don’t you see that every loss is a gain
Don’t you see that our founding fathers resting in heaven are forever our guardian angels
Don’t you see that through every dark tunnel there’s a glimmer of hope
Don’t you worry we will find our way
It’s our land, we must find a way.



Your color is your temple

For as long as i could remember i never had a problem with my skin, it was my temple so i treated it as such. I never viewed myself as someone else or being of a lighter complexion because my skin was one thing that constantly reminded me of who i was, it kept me in check and it was my pride however that didn’t mean that everyone else agreed with me, a few people would try to break me down and try to make me feel bad for being as dark as i was. In comparison to olden days and now, technology has become very influential and has made many black individuals feel like their skin color is not right, simply because a lighter complexion is praised and considered as the true definition of beautiful. Overtime many black communities began to abuse and pick on the dark skin, with bleaching products becoming more popular and easy to purchase at the shops and online, dark skin became what many wanted to diminish and avoided to be. I see every single day, many girls bleached and continuing to do so, although i have nothing against bleaching, it has caused dark skinned girls to question themselves and start the cycle of self doubt which i think is brutal to a person’s confidence.

But why do we sit here and let it happen ? why do we watch our girls bleach themselves and condone it ?. I think it is because many people simply don’t care anymore, everyone is too busy to notice the self destruction happening to the beautiful black skin. I watch them throw insults at myself and other dark skinned girls, and then i still watch them throw insults when those dark skinned girls go and bleach themselves; it makes me wonder what these individuals really want ?. Because by confusing themselves they continue to spread that self hate about black skin. I recently went through an experience that not only made me realize why this article was important to be written but mainly that i had to be stronger than i could ever be. The story consisted of me and this guy who is also Sudanese  having a simple argument and somehow the argument began to get steamy, which is when the guy proceeded to say “Why are you even talking to me, your too dark  i cant even see you” and although it caught me off guard because the topic of the argument had nothing to do with skin color, i became a smart mouth. Although i was very hurt, i just reminded myself that a person who tries to belittle my skin is not a person who i could associate with or waste words on, it made me realize that only someone who loves me could love my skin more than i do.

After that incident i began to read more about black history, i was somehow intrigued into finding out the struggle of my people. My research made me find out a lot about Africans in general, i had so much pride in me to be an African and to hold my head high with my beautiful dark skin. I found out that southern Sudanese are the darkest and among some of the tallest in the world, to know we were unique and different made me happy. Because if you are not going to stand out in this world, what are you going to do ?. I wanted to write this because i have realized that WE are the ones that cause the mayhem amongst ourselves, off course it cannot be denied that the white people have influenced us and brainwashed us about who we really are but why have we caught onto their ideologies and started to practice them on ourselves and began to practise the vicious cycle of self hate. We have began to compare our women to white women and have tried to make them look less black, we have began to dislike them for who they really are and that has created a rift in our cultural values which has done nothing but distance us from our original cultural beliefs.

If your reading this i just wanted you to know that it doesn’t matter how dark you are, i am dark, I’m very proud of my skin color and nobody can ever change that. The reason why i say that is because my skin tone reminds me of my father, i could never take away anything that reminds me of my father, it is something that continues to make me stronger every day when i wake. My skin color gives me hope in this world, it reminds me of the struggle my people have been through and how long it will take for us to be happy. So if you have trouble with embracing your skin, find one thing that makes you really happy and strong and dedicate it to your skin, because then you will never be able to see wrongness in your color, you will only see beauty and strength.

Positive Mind

With many constant issues the most important thing you have to remember is through every struggle there is a way OUT. Yeah it sounds a bit cliche to say “at the end of the tunnel there is a light” but its true, you have bad days but you also have good days. You have to remember that through every struggle, your strength prevails. My friend recently old me of an individual who has gone through some horrible things and they included being raped by her uncle, getting treated unfairly at home and losing a loved one. No one deserves to go through any of those situations but if you are caught up in them, all you have to do is keep your head up. You have to remember that although your situation is horrific someone out there is going through a worse situation.

You have to keep your faith, if nobody understands you then learn to understand yourself so that you do not have to lean on others, if people judge you then believe in yourself and know who you are! You have to become unbreakable and untouchable. Although it is easier said than done it’s better to try than to sit around and let life tousle you around.


Love Jones Be REAL

So it’s a Friday night, one of those nights where i’m in my own shell and completely bored off my brains so i decided to watch a movie. I selected a movie i had never heard of, never knew anything about and just decided to go with the flow. The movie was called ‘Love Jones’ and as cliche’ as the name sounds, it is one of the BEST movies i had ever seen. It just captured my attention from every angle, props to the producer and writer who came up with a such a touching and excellent movie. Anyway the movie was based on two individuals in the 1990’s Nina (Nia Long) and Darius( Larenz Tate) who from the very beginning had an undeniable attraction to each other, through out the struggles they faced, they were somehow always drawn together. The movie made me wish i could have an old school type of love, the type of love that makes you go to reggae clubs at night and dance to sensual and smooth reggae not grinding and dirty dancing. An old school type of love based on hanging out with your friends and your girl and having an awesome time laughing at ridiculous things, an old school type of love were nothing but the two people matter, locations were not important. I was amazed at how marvelous things were in the 80s and 90s, makes me think that our generation is cursed because we don’t have those old school house parties and the gangsta slow music, instead we have this techno bullshit that rings in your ears like the continuous sound of ringing bells. Love Jones not only captured the 90s feel, it also made me feel like i could one day have that type of love. The vibe they shared and continuously fought for was somehow real, although it is just a movie, a storyline as such is very easily relate-able to if you believe in real love. From the very beginning Nina was playing hard to get and Darius never gave up, heard that gentlemen ? he wasn’t afraid of being called thirsty, well not that that word was used in that context back then. Anyway Darius was very romantic, not by buying flowers or kissing her hand, he simply turned up to her door when she declined his idea of a first date and with their similar taste in music and poetry he somehow lured her into his arms and bravo to him because he did it on his own without any advise from crazy friends, now i know its difficult to just rock up at someone’s door these days without getting the police called on your ass but i thought it was cute in a non stalkerish way. We need that people, well i want to experience that and I’m sure that makes me crazy because that will probably never happen, there is no chance in hell any guy is knocking on my door without getting an ass whooping from my mother. I guess what I’m trying say is, women love the chase, we want you to to WANT US 100%, want us so much that not a day goes by where you don’t think about us. No denial that Nina felt the same way from the beginning but she tried to play it cool, in the end off course you know Darius had his way. I just wonder what it would be like if we could write letters to each other instead of Facebook message each other, take photos of each other instead of liking photos on instagram. The old seemed more sensual and real, there is something about doing activities in real life that beats sitting behind smart phones and computers to communicate, the new way just isn’t doing it for me and i guess that’s why its so hard for me to consider one of these brothers taking me out on a date. I want the simplicity, lets go out to a beautiful park and have a picnic, lets go rollerblading and dance to 90s R&B, lets enjoy each others company in the beautiful nature. Another thing about Love Jones that i loved was the use of poetry, you could tell by the sensuality of the movie that poetry was very important, i mean off the top of his head Darius performed a poetic piece just a couple of minutes after meeting Nina and that’s what i call some REAL shit because he knew what to say, how to say it and exactly what kind of effect it would have on her, without even knowing her.

I recommend every individual out there to watch this movie, especially if you have watched some romantic movies that have been WHACK and feel totally scripted. I guarantee you this movie will have you thinking about that EX you wanna hunt down as soon as the movie is over, hahaha jokes but seriously though it is a good movie. Movies that show originality are hard to find these days, its always the cliche’ storyline of boy meets girl, girl falls in love, parents or someone gets involved and its a WRAP. I personally like movies that are more olden school, i don’t know i think I’m more of an old soul when it comes to dating, the old school way just seems REAL and HONEST, none of that fake bullshit. WE fight together, we laugh together, through the rain and stormy weather and whatever else its always real 100%.

A woman’s Worth

Ever heard of Alicia Keys song, a woman’s worth ?. Whether you have or not, there is a section that i really love where she says “Cause a real man, knows a real woman when he sees her and a real woman knows a real man ain’t afraid to please her and a real woman knows a real man always comes first and a real man just can’t deny a woman’s worth”.

Through out the song those particular words made the most sense to me, i somehow started thinking about the issues that some Sudanese girls experience. Now its only fair to say that i also understand the male perspective but because i am a woman i feel the struggle of a woman and can relate at times. Many boys/Men claim that they are real, they make promises for only a short time and create unnecessary drama when they cannot fulfill those promises. In Alicia’s lyrics i found it very hard to understand why some men do not understand the simple requests given to them by women, that all a REAL woman requires is a man who is independent and honest, one who cannot deny a WOMAN’S WORTH. I only say some men lack realism because they have been brainwashed by the media’s perceptions of how men should act, how sweet words will make her fall and how romanticism is the way to a woman’s heart. Although some of those approaches are successful, what happened to just trying to be yourself gents ?, why not just do and say what you know. Speaking from a woman’s perspective the easiest way to a woman’s heart is to be real and yourself at all times. This is definitely hard because when two individuals begin dating they are not themselves, they try to over impress each other AND i think that is where relationships don’t work out because people change and words become useless.

I’m not a psychologist YET but men all i can say to you all is that a woman wants someone who is down to earth and not afraid to show his woman real love, now STOP right there what is real love ? do men get caught up in the fake realities of fake love and forget what love really is ?. I myself cannot answer these questions because i do not know the answer to them but they are important aspects, so if your reading this consider these questions and try to answer them in your own way.

I urge you to look at girls and appreciate what they have, to know that we are not weak. In fact we are very strong to deal with all that we deal with, i am not trying to victimise any individual but i think we deal with so much criticism. We are constantly judged on our skin tones, the way we dress, how our hair should look, how we should behave, and most importantly how we react to tough situations but when did we forget that judging the opposite sex will not gain you any type of ammunition, in a sense it is a driving force for the bitter separation between men and women in our communities.

Although what you say is not meant for all Sudanese females how are we meant to know ? its important to remember that generalisation is the root of many problems and is a main factor in why we fail to move forward. We need to all appreciate each other, look at every Sudanese girl as your sister or as your friend; whether she has slept around too much, isn’t your ideal version of beautiful, is beyond bitchy or has a bad attitude. All i am trying to say is that we should all try to understand one another and stop the constant negativity. We need to take it back to the olden days because without this technology and immigration processes we would have all lived in our villages and never met. The opportunities we have been given should bind us together instead of divide us further. WE ARE ONE, KNOW A WOMAN’S WORTH

Why can’t we all just get along ?

As my country is on the brink of a civil war I sit here thinking to myself how did my beloved country become so bad ?. With the media being so influential in the 21st century it is almost hard to avoid seeing it everywhere that South Sudan is unstable and unstoppable when it comes to war with itself and that irritates me so much, why does the media feel okay to advertise issues continuously that effect people watching it. My country has been through two civil wars, which ended with billions of lives lost. After our separation the citizens were beyond happy to be a free country. For once the South was given freedom to exercise it’s free will, though it was obvious we had many issues within our country, hope was always there, now I wonder how we will ever come back from the violence occurring in Juba and many other parts of South Sudan every year. It is very upsetting because i love my country with my entire heart. I watched my Dad have so much passion for this country and somehow it transcended onto me, I can’t help but feel hopeless now. How will we ever move forward ? Screw this Nuer and Dinka shit! We should just try to love a country that is so beautiful as it is, put aside all tribal matters and concentrate on the future! I know I have so much to offer this country, I am young but i know I will do all I can for this country when I get the chance. I believe all the youth can do that too. I avoid critiquing or making assumptions because if I believe I can do a better job I just have to wait patiently and believe that in the near future I will have my chance to make a positive difference and that is what we all have to think about! Less talking and more putting our dreams into actions. If we can do a quarter of what Nelson Mandela did for his country then I know we will have tried our best !

I’ve avoided saying something about this issue but I will no longer hold my peace. We all need to come together as one big family and let the world watch us unite, we have lost too much to go back down this road. The amount of struggle Southerners have endured should have ended by now, but i somehow believe that only a strong country could experience all the atrocities that we have gone through. I just wish South Sudan was not politically motivated and that there was less political battles, because politics is a dirty game. As a young child i remember being shielded away from the political life by my father, all my siblings and i were kept away from politics. I completely understand why my father kept politics away from us, it was the only way to keep his family safe. Now that the media is very influential we all have to remember to somehow shelter those that should not be exposed to such politics of our country. We must step up and continue living our lives in these foreign countries until we have been given the opportunity to change that country.

I once wrote a piece which i spoke about in public to my fellow youths, i urged us to remember how important it was for our fathers that have been lost in those battles to keep our heads up and stop being negative. The only thing that fuels me to be a positive person is knowing that my dad will one day be proud of me, we should all aim to do better for those who did not receive an education and did not have opportunities that we now have.

Black, More Than Just A Colour

Ive Come to the realisation that i HATE humans 😒 I HATE everyone and I just love being in my own undisturbed shell. I HATE phone convos, I HATE texting, I HATE meeting new people, I HATE judgemental freaks, I HATE feelings, I HATE the way the world is structured!! You wanna know why ? because over time I’ve grown to see how the world is unfairly constructed because in a world filled with endless opportunities and freedom having this BLACK skin this Stupid world never gives you HOPE it crushes you, who wants to spend the rest of their lives fighting for a fucking good life! We should have it easy, we should walk down the street and not be stared at, we should be trusted, we should not be looked at like we are thieves or dirty. After losing so many lives and being traumatised life should give us a break. When your black your happy at heart, the pureness is reflected skin deep. You appreciate everything you have, the food you eat, the water you drink and shower with, the clothes you wear and just the bed you sleep in because to be honest we have all been to hell and back. I’m sick of this country that isn’t mine, where I don’t feel free or even safe, a land full of opportunities but hate, hate on the black skin, I was born black, and I never regret it but some of these white folks tryna make us hate ourselves ! Turned us against one another, taught us their language and culture; a way to get us to change our culture and way of life, fuck they only welcome refugees so the world approves of them. I hate the way my life turned out, my mother struggles every fucking day, she might not survive past 70 and still she pushes to provide for me and my sisters. Her body is tired, her eyes are dark and filled with sorrow for the loss of her husband, i can never understand what she feels and yet she is the happiest woman i have ever met. I hope one day God gives me the power to make her life beautiful and stress free. God life is unfair, we could have had a good life, no struggle living large and happy but NO we struggle living in a small house when the world is so large but I guess every experience is a lesson that makes you stronger. Because I am black, i carry a rock on my back every single day ! I call it the beautiful black curse, But that’s life right, I’ll wake up tomorrow and continue in this endless journey of the unknown, wish me luck !

Welcome to My World

Hi Everyone 😊 I’m feeling very anxious and shy because I’ve never owned a blog but I figured I would join since I love to write 😊 I’m not really one of those people that can express myself through speech, although it is possible I am more comfortable expressing myself through words. Anyway let me introduce myself to you all, my name is Adut, I am a 19 year old South Sudanese African girl living in Australia. I have lived in Australia since I was nine years old, my mum arranged plans for our entire family to move here as refugees. I can remember all the stories I heard about Australia as a child, it was known as the “place to be” filled with beautiful beaches. I was very excited to come to Australia because we were very poor, we lived on a large property with more than 50 people,
We were taught to share the little that we did have and remain strong when we had nothing. Although we grew up poor I remember nothing but the best about my childhood, my childhood was filled with laughter and joy, we played and cooked fake food as little girls 😊 With all that I have said I can summarise that my childhood made me who I am today, it taught me to be strong and never let anybody defy me. To skip chapters which I will later discuss my life now consists of me studying a Bachelor of Arts at ECU. I am majoring in Psychology, Criminology and Justice and even though that sounds complicated, I am a lover of complicated subjects. I love to study things that inspire me and push me to my limits. I have completed my first year and have 2 more years to go. I am beyond excited for what the future has to hold for a young African like myself 😊 hope you enjoy this journey with me ❤️